after a convo with a friend, i realized something, the way we choose out friends for life. amazing, seriously. just 6 years of living by them and i can decide that they are the friends i want for life heh. its like a childhood idea enforced by an adult determination, i wanna be friends with them forever i tell myself.

played sunday polo today, felt damn damn damn damn damn noob, why, what the fuck is wrong, i dont even know myself. the fire in there feels so dim, i dont feel that excitement like before. its not the usual bit of down-ness i feel when im on fuckedform, its different, its pathetic. i still remember the days when i come for training, when i near the pool and i can hear the whistle from the pool signifying a game, i start running. i run to change and i run into the pool after that. what changed? did i grow arrogant cause i think that by training at a higher tier, it qualifys me automatically as a better player? or did the lack of polo and the disappointment of not being able to play it as much as i love to just kicked in and fucked around with the inside of my head? or is it just that my supposed love for the game was just a childish phase of my life that i mistook for passion? i dont know anymore man, for all i know this is currently just a form of down-ness after a fuckeduppoloday? but i know that whatever it is, its what i want to do at this point in time of my life, i want to be the best that my physical limitations allow me to be, i want to live for polo and die for polo like i used to again, i want to cut down on all that arrogant bullshit cause i am nowhere near the level of extraordinary polo i want to play, i want to be a sea games medalist or better, i want to justify my existence as more than a waste of space. i realize i have no goals in life now so i want to make this my goal and my aim.

on the other hand, i realized my resolutions are failing terribly, not using vulgar language FAIL. using proper english, FAIL. train super hard FAIL. ok currently , i think i should just focus on better english and trainin HAHAHA. vulgarities can wait abit hehe