I want to just ignore and pretend it's fine, I really want to. Just smile that silly smile that has more or less become a trademark look of mine. But really, it's not easy at all, I'm really scared it's a mistake and all but these are words I can't say in real life.

I wish that I can go back to the time when pool life and outside life are separate entities, I can just sink into the pool and every other problem will be gone. But it's too late for it now, my sanctuary is no longer mine, argh how did I ever let shit like this affect me i don't know. Fuck. What a time what a time. Fuck this fuck that fuck you fuck off. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

Don't think too much. Just play, remember what I'm fighting for, don lose sight of the teams dream when searching for your own. Remember when it's all about passion.