Day 4 in Korea and I've seen so much and experienced so much already. Truly, my first Asian Games is an eye opener. Feeling like a frog in the well. Amazed at our own improvements but when we saw japan and china play it was like still wow. Always with the wow. The gap never seems to close, the moment we step up, it seems like they just take another step further away from us towards the league of the giants. It's really the reason I play with a smile on my face: because there's always room out there. First game against hongkong wasn't that amazing but we got the job done, abit left to be desired for but we'll iron it out as a team I guess. Having a decider game tomorrow against Korea. Nervous as fuck but I can't show it because I'm expected to be up there. Really needed to tell someone about this crazy nervousness tags just threatening to burst out of me, it's like my first

Major games all over again. Every step up that platform and the grandness of the introduction just makes me nervous. Furthermore, a lot rides on tomorrow's game, it's a can't fail situation or we have to build all over for another agonizing 4 years. I can't play badly or I'll never forgive myself for it, feels like my j1 year hah. Just that it isn't for the red and yellow of hwachong but the red and white of Singapore. There I guess typing it out here is some kinda relief and it will have to do.

Just random things in Korea. Koreans are damn patriotic. I remembered my mum once told me that during the great economic crisis, Korean citiZens melt their gold accessories to help bail out the country. Sounds amazing but fake I guess so it was just meh. Well something else got me thinking when I was at the dining hall of the games village (it's fucking huge, prob maybe three expo exhibition halls) and after meals we have to bring Our cutleries and trays to the disposing point. The lady at the disposing point actually spoke to us in perfect English with a tinge of overseas education in her accent and yet there she is, a volunteer in such a undesirable (to me) task. Amazing, the things they would do for the pride of Korea. I don't know if I could do it in their shoes. 

There are giants here. Giants here there everywhere. To the point that I'm

Really afraid some of them

Walk into me cause they can't see me without looking down, I kid you not.

Focus. Nothing can affect me nothing will affect me. It's tough when you care about some things but I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't let it affect me, no games can be distraction free, it's about how much you let them get to you. I used to wish for competitions free of distractions and upsets but I've learnt that life isn't always about me, it's about controlling what I have and what I can change. Repeating after myself: I will not be distracted nor upset even if it's things I don't like. No one owes me anything and I no longer expect.

Alright time to crashz

Someday we all got to let go. If not now,when?