fuck you i refuse to type a title blogger

if i could control how my heart feels, i would, i swear i would.
realized that every time im in a flipping bad mood, i tend to train better. i dont mind throwing my whole body into training without any reservations when im in that terrible mood. its like nothing matters anymore, its as if if my body could feel as terrible as how i feel in my heart, it would be good distraction. maybe its best if i stay that way, i could do with the awesome training sessions. i wish i dont have such fucked up thoughts sometimes though,i think if someone could peek into my mind one day, the person will be appalled.
i think for once in my life, im really jealous of a person, not just simple envy or admiration, but serious jealousy.