Don't really know what's gotten into me these days but wow it's this sudden ambition ever since my last post. It doesn't make my performance much much better but it reminds me everyday what am I training for and why I am training so hard. I don't regret missing much of a social life, I get to see Sarah still and I get time with my family and I manage to squeeze some time for my closer friends and I spend everyday with the important people in my life (though not all of them so likable I must say...). For once I feel like I want this dream really really badly and I want to work myself to the bones and give everything I can to make up for what others are lacking. Suddenly Asian games seem so hauntingly close and in contrary to January and February when we wish it would come sooner, I feel myself begging for more time so that I have time to sculpt the best player (I can be) to attend this landmark event. Seems like morning training might start soon but really, I can't complain much as long as it helps me bring out the best in me. I guess my

Only gripe is that some of us are just refusing to give it our all, it's like laughing at the efforts of the rest of us who try every fucking day to give all we can and all we have. It pains me to see the very same people who I look up to 4 years ago who came back from a disappointing tournament in Guangzhou vowing vengeance ( ok abit too strong there ) and a comeback slowly become.... This. Jaded. Lazy (not strong enough a word). Unambitious. Demoralized. Maybe they say that I'm young and I don't understand the struggles life and such a long waterpolo journey can do to you. And yes they might be right too. But I'm only going to be this young once and at the moment before I experience what they at experiencing, I hope I can bring us to greater glory. I'll play my heart out and train my bones out ( poor phrasing ) for everybody. For me. For my teammates. For those behind the scenes cheering us silently or audibly. And last but not least, for the ghost of the players I used to look up to admirably, for that spirit they used to exuberate which inspired me to be who I am.

I don't ever want to live my life in regret and this is about the only time I find it appropriate to use yolo.