I know it’s an excuse. Who I am today, I shouldn’t blame anyone or anything for it. I am who I am because of how I react to things 

 The way I hate everything that’s happy. I fucking hate myself 

 Strangely I remember a time I cried in the showers during DJ’s time after the competition and we had to play malaysia and he effed us all. 

I remembered I never want to cry over something I love

 It’s not me. This isn’t me

 They laugh at the tattoo but I laugh along, because I know exactly what it means to me and what it wouldn’t have meant for me. I laugh along.. but I laugh alone

 when your friends ask you whats the meaning behind the new tatt, i dont really know how to explain it

When every smile is weighted 

 Note to self: never, NEVER hurt so much ever again 

 Constantly lying to myself it gets better when I just sink deeper everyday into it

 By no means hurting myself in anyway physical but I am sorry to those that love me and care for me. For always going through what isn’t good for my own health