Boo :(

slaps self, dont be stupid

we keep talking about the future when it just feels like we are growing further apart. how is that no reason to be concerned

im gonna get addicted to the feeling, the feeling of coming up from the water with only the cheers around you to let you know its a goal. its similar to a lob i guess, the breathtaking moment when the ball travels. at that moment, suddenly the shit lot of training and puke like sensations just seem so worth it., reminds me i dont just love the sport, i love the moment in a match, i love this moment in a competition. speaking of that this is prob my first official competition under the name of singapore, might be u23 but nevertheless its an adult competition not some little kid play. first match was ok, 11-2 over thailand, lets hope it gets better for Malaysia and Indonesia. i was nervous like fuckkk before the thai game, i think i must have lost some weight just sweating through my palms when i visualize over and over, but it all left me when the game started when i realized training with the seniors have probably allowed me to play with the best players in south east asia already and theres nothing to worry about. then bam it felt like a fun game to me already. awesomeeee, lets get a first win for (most of our) in national colours! gotta love the game

gonna type 3 posts today cause i did have some of these posts in my mind but hardly got down to writing it out, so i might sound abit schizoprenic but cant be helped.

my stomach hurts like a bitch, not a sharp pain but more like a dull bothersome pain argh. made me shoot like shit today, gotta do better than that, today just feels bad. prob cause of the fucking free yakult haha

first match 2mrw! havent felt this excited about a game since aboys finals haha.

and its just nuaing at hom though this weekend.

Also another catch phrase: our house has their rules coming back late is not accepted. Wtf how did he even convince my mum to sleep with him honestly

Seriously my father makes me consider trying harder for nus just for a hall spot, wtf this is an all time low, staying out till TWELVE wtf is a fucking crime now. I told them not to wait up so his convo went
Him: ya la you told us don't need to wait and we still wait its we stupid la.

In all sense this is a rhtheorical question cause yes it's stupid but it's just not politically right for me to say so. Wtf super long weekend ahead with both brothers overseas

Met Iype after quite a while, some friends you can just not see forever but when you meet it seems as if both of you just met up the day before.

Not good at all! I've always thought myself as a big game player but this isn't a time to be doing shitty stuff during training :( its just next week already I'm feeling the pressure, mostly from myself I guess

Gotta put the fucking ball past the keeper

nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.

excited much, next week is the comps! havent felt this excited about water polo for such a long time. thailand, malaysia then indonesia! playing at this level really gets me excited heh, gottttta win!

last year this time i would be counting down like a fool to the 31st, but guess ive already seen through it and got over it =) but even now im confused, make that konfused, spelt in malay hahaha. keep going, let my stamina run out and we'll see where this leads

I'm really trying very hard, or perhaps I'm trying too hard

Happy happy going helix now :D

booooo

My finger hurts :( passing is a chore! But somehow adrenaline kills the pain, I want adrenaline for the heart though

So it's true that maybe just feelings aren't enough to make things workout, the world isn't so simple I guess. I really enjoyed being free and happy when I finally got over it, yet I jumped in almost right away again. But even now I still feel that it's worth, although I dontget to be happy all the time, it's the moments of unhappiness and super unhappiness that make the happy moment happier than ever. Words hurt but I would take the pain if it's necessary for further happiness.

I thought myself to be patient and strong but how wrong I am, neither patient nor strong. I really want it to be us not just me. I don't want the only thing I look forward to in life to be just polo. I wouldn't say I need you but I want you so so badly.

You are like crack (not that I've tried it), I don't know whether having you or not having you is worse

My knee hurtssssss along with the finger and the wrist and the heart. It seems that I can never be certain of anything, I like to live in a black and white world not somewhere with grey areas

Guess this sadness is necessary pain

I'm supposed to be stronger than this, I'm unhurtable aren't I.

Boo

Sometimes I do get tired

Play rough smartly and play smart roughly

I think my match fitness is getting better yay!!! Working on shooting! Need more of these morning sessions

How true

I know what I've said but sometimes it's difficult to carry out what you say.

What is wrong with me... Apart from the usual hyperactive

Howwww is it really possible to dislike somebody you really don't even know, he's not even famous like Osama or shit.

ahhh too many friends and too little time to catch up

back in jc i used to tell myself "training kills your social life", but nat team was when the shit got real haha

not that im trying to be a real douche or something but sometimes im just amazed and how some people lie so openly, shamelessly and easily. ok in case anyone thinks this is one of those serious like fuck posts, nope. im just referring to how some guys/girls/others can openly tell a girl shes pretty in her facebook photo when shes so fucking obviously not. sigh, cmon people if you have nothing good to say, at least keep quiet, dont need to light someones ego for fun right.

new shooting style, reallllllly freaking tiring, but its working i guess, im shooting harder than ive ever shot before but the accuracy is dropping though i must say. hope its all about getting used to.

nice day, had lunch with the mia ones zhonghan and nicholas at old kallang airportttt, laoban beancurd! awesome stuff. must remember: piggys dont like beancurd.

A fine line between lobbing from far out and making a complete fool of yourself

I'm a Ribena fuelled polo machine!
In other news, TEN more days!!

I don't want to be just another one

Nice going idiot, took you all of one hour to screw up something serious.

China trip was an awesome experience although it made my flaws and my areas that need improvement glaringly obvious. It expanded my (maybe our) ambition to so much more, I want to see more of the waterpolo world now, I don't want to be limited to the region, I want to see the continent and maybe the world, I want to play at a much higher level. I've managed to see teams beat the gap in physical attributes with sheer willpower and hardwork, I am indeed inspired. I want to play so much harder, maybe it's really time to reevaluate the way I train then. The trip had also been wonderful in other ways, prob one of the first time when you can just spend a whole day doing and thinking about nothing but polo, time for reflection, discussion and more reflection after the discussions. I've also managed to bind with my teammates a lot more, people I never thought I would be friends with and friends I've never thought I would be close with, and sides of friends you have never known, hi Gilbert hahaha. I've also realized who my heart truly awaits, they say before he sleeps, a guy thinks of the one his heart desires most, I'm glad to know what the heart once desired can be replaced :) maybe for once I might consider Christianity hahaha. The trip was awesome, not too Long such that I miss Singapore super badly and run out of clean clothes, but not too short such that I've barely got used to it and have to start packing already.





I'm thankful for our meeting because it rescued me from a dark place, thanks for the light