we live for this moment. for the pumping of the adrenaline, the rush of euphoria, the depression of defeat, the love of the game

It's a zone, it's my zone and so far no one else can affect it like you do

Just have mercy on me already

I'll let it take forever but I just don't know the shape I'll be in when we emerge from it all

Day 4 in Korea and I've seen so much and experienced so much already. Truly, my first Asian Games is an eye opener. Feeling like a frog in the well. Amazed at our own improvements but when we saw japan and china play it was like still wow. Always with the wow. The gap never seems to close, the moment we step up, it seems like they just take another step further away from us towards the league of the giants. It's really the reason I play with a smile on my face: because there's always room out there. First game against hongkong wasn't that amazing but we got the job done, abit left to be desired for but we'll iron it out as a team I guess. Having a decider game tomorrow against Korea. Nervous as fuck but I can't show it because I'm expected to be up there. Really needed to tell someone about this crazy nervousness tags just threatening to burst out of me, it's like my first

Major games all over again. Every step up that platform and the grandness of the introduction just makes me nervous. Furthermore, a lot rides on tomorrow's game, it's a can't fail situation or we have to build all over for another agonizing 4 years. I can't play badly or I'll never forgive myself for it, feels like my j1 year hah. Just that it isn't for the red and yellow of hwachong but the red and white of Singapore. There I guess typing it out here is some kinda relief and it will have to do.

Just random things in Korea. Koreans are damn patriotic. I remembered my mum once told me that during the great economic crisis, Korean citiZens melt their gold accessories to help bail out the country. Sounds amazing but fake I guess so it was just meh. Well something else got me thinking when I was at the dining hall of the games village (it's fucking huge, prob maybe three expo exhibition halls) and after meals we have to bring Our cutleries and trays to the disposing point. The lady at the disposing point actually spoke to us in perfect English with a tinge of overseas education in her accent and yet there she is, a volunteer in such a undesirable (to me) task. Amazing, the things they would do for the pride of Korea. I don't know if I could do it in their shoes. 

There are giants here. Giants here there everywhere. To the point that I'm

Really afraid some of them

Walk into me cause they can't see me without looking down, I kid you not.

Focus. Nothing can affect me nothing will affect me. It's tough when you care about some things but I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't let it affect me, no games can be distraction free, it's about how much you let them get to you. I used to wish for competitions free of distractions and upsets but I've learnt that life isn't always about me, it's about controlling what I have and what I can change. Repeating after myself: I will not be distracted nor upset even if it's things I don't like. No one owes me anything and I no longer expect.

Alright time to crashz

Someday we all got to let go. If not now,when? 

If it's so hard for you

You were my strength 

Just learn to shut out. I'm going incheon for something much bigger than me or just this team. Nothing should nothing can nothing will distract me

Just tell me if it doesn't matter if I'm there or not

Really now really now really now really now

And I can't say anything cause that would be selfish

countdown to Asian Games. Its less than a week, everything still seems so surreal though. biggest competition of my career (probably) and yet I'm just living everyday as if its normal. Is this a calm before a storm or a numbness - an immunity from nerves.

Korea in less than a week. Breathe the passion, love the game.

Sigh smu just win a game please. 

Hope this low week form isn't going to carry over into Asian games. Hongkong korea Kuwait kazhak we are coming

The fear of being someone else's source of regret 

It's really fuck hard to keep things in but I guess for us I really must try

To me , love is always enough 

It's as if you're the only one trying. I'm really really really really really trying too

just maybe we could make those rare hours count

One of the bad days. Really wanna bring up my consistency 

Without you, food will only be sustenance but not the delicacy we know of

Without you, conversations will merely be words without emotion 

Without you, a medal will only be a piece of metal without the euphoria of victory 

Without you, life would merely be a blank canvas with no colour

Without you, love will just be a distant dream of the past

like a fog that descended and just suffocating me to death

Without you, I am everything I said I can't be

I know that literally heart wrenching feeling and I'm sorry 

It's at such times that those words of yours haunt me and I always ask myself the same thing 

Just stay the fuck away dude 

Lol it's like you're oblivious to everything I feel 

That's about the most blatant I can put it but if it ain't happening, it ain't happening 

Sigh fug

For all those words you speak

Been taking up coaching of some young kids in the recent months. Feels quite accomplishing to teach and to be called coach (except for an obnoxious few who likes to call me by name) and really proud to be able to give back to this sport that has given me all that I have today. Knowing that I play a part in these kids' future dreams (and fitness for a few fatasses) makes me feel that Sunday mornings are not wasted. Some go to church to worship god while others just sleep in (which I must say sounds pretty tempting) but to be surrounded by my passion even on a Sunday morning, priceless.

Abit of a dilemma and heart wrenching moment for me when I only could sub it 4 players at a time and I had 14 players to play. Selecting 4 energetic/hyperactive and enthusiastic kid pleading while jumping up and down really fucks with my head. Totally understand saimengs selection dilemma better now.

If one day, against all odds, one or more of them make it to the national team and do us proud, i would consider it my long overdue debt to this savior of a sport repaid. May your passion for the sport never die and your determination for excellence never falter young ones. It's a lovehaterelationship with success, that's partly why it's fun after all.