How many mfucking penalties do I need to misssss

sometimes i regret not trying harder to get into nus or ntu cause well i cant deny hall life must be pretty fun. but then i realized with that crazy fuck travelling i prob would have attended alot less training. cant deny im super happy with my current life though, playing possibly the best polo in my life at the moment hehe

crazy week coming up. crazy training today. funny though, although we spent silent hours swimming and swimming away hardly talking to each other. i feel closer to my teammates than with people i talk to in real life. maybe just suffering the same fate is good enough heh. tough but super happy

so much shit happening happening to us recently. pray that no more of these evil tidings for the polo team and pray that they are blessed with good fortune and more importantly health. thanks for giving me a place where i feel i belong to since i was 18 and a half. stay healthy and stay happy  people, great year ahead!

greedy person indeed. i long to be so much as a player. i want the limelight, the highlight reel, and lounge in how victory feels.(bet u didnt notice the short little rhyming there hehehe). i want to be the main event, the reason that people cheer, the player that everybody watching wants to see holding the ball and so much more. im really greedy but i'll work doubly hard or triply hard if i have to. but maybe i should start by not over doing it i guess, its great to be confident but its just a thin line between that and over confidence. this is just gonna be a random mish mash of words and thoughts cause im too lazy for paragraphs and maybe even some punctations. but hopefully not spelling, cant blame it on autocorrect if im using my com haha. so much random things to babble on about. how polo is just so exciting cause theres never a sure way. just when you discover a new "sure score method" it doesnt work almost immediately, theres never ending changes. how the water wakes me up from any type of slumber or lethargy. how studying is a real fucking bitch. i hate studying, but i really enjoy uni cause im actually enjoying some of the lessons nowadays. how for the first time i think, i havent slept more than five hours a day for this week so far. remembered what i said about myself last time: that karma is always a step behind my evil ass, shouldnt be too surprised when it comes.

what is true love

dont really know why i keep doing this to myself either

Been a total dick today. I'm so fucking pissed with myself. For the penalty miss, for the silly sacks, for venting my frustration on my teammates, more importantly, for placing my own excellence above much more important stuff like team dynamics and the growth of my teammates. I remember how I used to hate certain seniors for fucking me so bad every training, how I dreaded training sometimes simply because of the frequent dressing down (a much more polite way of saying getting fucked) I get and more importantly, how I swore I would never be such a player one day. Looking at me now, I'm half the player I would have liked to be but already fully the asshole I've never wanted to be. What happened to those days when i would gush and openly applaud my seniors who are truly role models. When will I realize there's no point striving to be number one if it's built on selfish actions?

When we are slightly higher up the ladder, maybe we shouldn't forget that once upon a time, we were the ones struggling to take that first few steps up too.

Realized im still lacking from Saturdays game. Instead of being demoralized, it just excites me more. To know there's so much more potential to be a better player

hm gotta really get those thoughts out of my head i guess. guess thats what i love about training. it clears everything, the more tiring the better. more fatigue, less shit going through your head. maybe its a good analogy too, these sprint sets and all. sprint sets that are over are gone and dusted and unchangeable and theres no point worrying about not having enough energy left for future sets. you live in the present, one sprint by a time, its too intense to worry about anything else. life should be like that i guess, to live the present to the fullest. dont cry cause its over, smile that it happened