Im sure everyone must have felt like this to a certain extent in life, the feeling of drifting from people you never thought you'll drift from. Guess since I was young I was always sociable as hell, hence there were a lot of people I thought I'll never drift from, from primary school to secondary school to jc but reality proved otherwise. It is proven that all bonds weather and break when stretched and it's just almost impossible to be an exception. Guess after jc I've gotten unite sick of these departures of once important people in my life and I've chosen to not be as attached as before to people in general. Worked out fine so far I guess but it's the past bonds that really bind me. I'm afraid of losing whatever is left of them, as much as I dread making new ones, I fear losing old ones and there are some I wish I can hold on to in this life forever and all I hope for is that they are treasured as much as I treasure them

caring too much just sets us up for more disappointment. guess thats why people learn to trust themselves more. i learnt that in 2012 i guess. only you cannot disappoint you

in hwachong, i played polo for the school and for my friends, in the nat team, i played polo for my friends and for the glory of the country, sadly at smu i play simply for personal glory

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened- dr Seuss

Guess friends come and go, not because of differences but rather because of geographical locations, priorities and just changes in general

Missed the times when there were no secrets among us and when we were always top on the priority list

im really thankful my friend zhonghan is picking up the polo ball again ^^

on a side note i think maybe i should be more open to overseas experience instead of being my usual ilovetostayinsingapore self

Been to a few movies recently and must say some of them were quite good! Wreck it Ralph and pitch perfect and shit I really can't remember what I watched when blogging at 730 in the morning.

And I think I'm putting too much into this uni sports nonsense, I'm like about the only person out there stressing about tactics, individual skills, stamina and training timings and friendly games. Everyone else (who needs all these training more than me I might add) are on holiday ocsp fuckingthemselves and dont know what else. Gawd I'm sick of this. Not like I really need this uni level polo in my resume but if it's polo I just cannot NOT care sigh

im usually more composed than this but this is really difficult. i guess if i didnt give a fuck about this school team life would have been much easier for me but sadly, as it is, i kinda care quite abit about it at the moment. hopefully it will die down but losing has never been easy for me to swallow. and theres honestly hardly anybody to talk to about this because i dont think anyone really understands the way i feel about this whole shit. guess i'll just shoulder on. if doing the work for 2 players isnt enough, i'll do enough for 3 or 4 or even 5, i dont want to leave any game with any regrets.

We don't try to understand love, we just try to enjoy it before it slips right past

although im glad to be back, i really love dubai life, eat polo sleep polo think polo. ah awesome, cant wait for next year

went back to hc this past week and had an awesome (although not always fruitful time). and the part where we all gave a short speech was just such a strong reminder of the past. i loved my days in hc cause of polo and it was honestly what made school bearable. without polo i would be nothing today, i wouldnt even consider the alternative of being anything else honestly. and my middle finger is damn pain i dont know how i got a cut UNDER my finger nails wtf. it hurts just to type.

a weeeeny bit ashamed of myself how i let my emotions run high in a really friendly competition, but i dont really regret it cause hey spirit of competition, gotta win at whatever you are doing man.

but all in all being back to the pool this week after two dreadfully long weeks has been damn awesome, although this week was a terrible shooting week, guess my positioning and defense was decent and the shots were getting better and i learned quite a bit of new stuff. ah gotta love an evolving game, you cant always be good at the same standard. gotta evolve with the game.

what is it like when you lose sight of which side (yea i know right it kinda rhymes)of you. when you mix up your different persona. what do you do then? i know polo keeps me grounded to my most basic aims in life, a constant striving for excellence but everything else changes so fast. it could be any of the secondary traits i used to know about myself (ah the usage of psychology there). food preferences, colour preferences, interest in the arts etc. everything changes so fast, sometimes i dont really know how people keep track of who they really are and what they really want be it material or immaterial. just recently got down to some random thinking and got to these random musings cause im wayyyy fucking bored these days without polo (but dont worry polos back) and i figured people dont want to just come here and read about my polo life and thoughts everyday heh.

but NOW that we are done with that, polo in hwachong today was not bad, i guess the smu team really has some potential but fitness is definitely a problem at the moment. god i dont remember the pool being THAT big, felt like some fucking marathon today. but great to be back i guess.

sometimes i wonder if paths are destined to cross, will they do so more than once, or are they destined for two different worlds once they pass.

Guess there's always that small part of me that stays. Later alligator

sometimes i do know the reason why i strive so hard for what i want in life, but the reason is terribly silly to me all the same. but its still thanks to it that i find meaning in my life even in the shittiest times.

damn it ppl stop liking photos on instagram. no one cares about what you like, why is it even invading facebook man pfffft. but er on second thoughts some of the photos ARE not bad too heh.

i guess its difficult to hold on, but to watch on is something even harder

Dubai was seriously a blast, polo at the Asian level is really just awesome (not that I've actually played at south east Asian level or anything). But this trip, omg the feeling of playing teams that are so close to your level, knowing that every victory would cost us a valuable ranking, it really shakes my soul. The nervousness matches that of the aboy finals but the sense of accomplishment is a whole new level, the goosebumps, the visualization, the cheers of triumph at every goal and the adrenaline rush from the game Dulled anything that I've been through before. (maybe except for the truck crash two years back heh). I think I've improved a lot a lot this past year but at 21 I actually realize theres so much space so much potential for improvement, just the thought of the next Asian level competition excites me to no end. Well yes sea games next year would be awesome cause of our track record but omg I wanna play with the big boys again. I know I can't stand a chance against the japs if I continue fanboying them because you cannot beat those that you admire. But for now just lemme admire them abit more, their speed their stamina their resilience despite their size difference their shooting their passing their wile and of course the way they pull off the bearded Asian good look HAHAHA. But it's really an inspiration, I would want to reach that level one day too. Learnt sooo much from this competition that I will (probably) not regret getting substandard finals grades for this heh. Hope this isn't gonna be a once in a lifetime experience!