Why must it be the people I care for that make school such a depressing place

Can I just clear my head of everything and play good polo

Really trying to keep the unimportant shit out of my mind argh!!! Play with your heart. Not for glory but for passion

Not good enough not good enough not good enough

Slow down the play. The faster you try to do it, the slower you actually are. The closer you look into it, the less you'll really see. I can just feel so much is expected of me from myself and from the team, I wanna fulfil all those expectations I really want 

Don't know what has become of me really. I don't lack confidence I think but I'm just not finishing the fucking shot argh. Really fucking irritating. New playing style, gotta adapt. Ah why I love this game so fucking much. Cause it's just so intensely challenging

But in the end I know it's worth it

Sometimes I ask myself whether im the one asking for it

You should know you dictate my mood

one life, one way to live it. decisions, choices, regrets. eventually we all boil down to that one lifetime of achievement. Maybe thats why people like me like interacting with others, or some people like to read, mangas, fictions, biographies. to live life through somebody else's perspective. because in this life time we only have one try

Packing my cupboard and got lost in the past. Such an asshole. If there is an international apology day I would be really busy

Observe more. The keeper, the surrounding, the time. Gotta be disciplined enough in the game to use what I practiced out of it or it would he pointless 

Cause true happiness is giving and not receiving 

But I really wanna put that smile on your face

Really wanna be happy on that day so I'm gonna try to ignore it

Really wanna be happy on that day so I'm gonna try to ignore it

Too weak for my own good. 

So much that's going on now. So much so much. Just a week ago I was hit by the sudden realization that maybe life wasn't just about polo anymore with all the things that's coming into my life. A sudden crazy rush of work load. So much career stuff about the future. A person I see myself in the future with. Like over this long cny training break, for once I found that I was a little too busy mentally to think about training. Hahaha but that was to be short lived cause training then resumed and yes it's the best thing ever hah