its tiring man, but its fun, but its tiring, but its fun, but its tiring. argh its just about which part triumphs over the will power in the end.

lifes so fucking stressful man, uni apps and stuff. "and stuff" just means its stuff too delicate to be said here. haha but yea i've run out of witty quotes and cheerful blogging i realized. nowadays its just short emotionless posts. fuck this man i really hate this uncertainty, every fucking thing is an uncertainty in my life nowadays. oh wait, there is a certainty, its certainly fucked up lol.

went down to watch the bboys played their 3rd 4th placing match today. uh it was... (horrendous would be an understatement, so lets leave it as ... ). makes me wonder what i was like back then. its funny though, how the bronze medal becomes such a glorious prize that the opponent players (better not state names here in case of another internet backlash ahaha) were celebrating like fuck when they won, they were pumping their fists out with their index finger stuck out. ok i just meant, they were pointing outwards. i mean isnt the meaning of that action like saying " WE ARE NUMBER ONE!!!!" uh.. but dint you just win bronze, you should be like showing your ring middle and index fingers in a gesture proclaiming to the world WE ARE NUMBER THREE!!! ok i guess we are lucky that water polo dont give us too many opponents or the lower tier teams will start having quite a chore showing WE ARE NUMBER TWENTY SEVEN etc. but yea, i think hwachong, either through bad luck, bad attitude or bad attitude or bad attitude, is seriously going down man. when i ord, i'm dead serious about trying to go back and change things, no matter how little i can do, i dont want a future where i tell other players that "hey guys i was from hc" then they would be like "LOL!" hahaha, no not that serious, but i really wanna help out. but again considering the fuckshit attitude the cboys showed me the last time...

since its such a long time since i last blogged, might as well make it abit longer. its like i feel so alienated to most people i know, i hardly talk to anyone but my army friends and my polo friends, wow how i really miss school. as usual, i meant i miss school but not studying haha.

and no i really have no mood or idea to extend this post any further, soooo....

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maybe its a nice sign that it takes time even to remember your number now. maybe when even that slips away, so will memories

note to self. REMEMBER TO GO MORE GYMMMMMM
FINISH UNI APPS

i think everyone has that someone that they can pick their face out from a giant crowd, the someone who they can never get tired of looking and talking to, that someone that they can recognize by smell or by touch alone. its just a matter of finding the right person at the wrong time.

this is really fucking evil of me. but shouldnt manga artists be providing their country with faster releases in these days or darkness so that there is still a ray of light in the lives of their people.

those that cannot fly like the hawk should crawl like a snake, slowly but steadily.

i should stop getting distracted

sometimes i want to know what i really want to. why why why, why does the distant dream of excellence always seem distant even after so long. where have i moved to since the start? did i move backwards instead? dream dream dream, dream and believe till the end. thats what its supposed to be, but only those that succeed eventually can tell that tale. what about those who keep dreaming and keep trying and keep believing but still keep falling?

ok i'll be lying if i admit that im not more than a little bit disappointed

i realized mrbrown is quite funny lol, and wiki says hes from hwachong, so imma email him and ask him if its true!

er im just a reader of your website, and i recently wiki you, and wiki claimed that you were from hwachong? as a formal hwachong student (2 years ago), can i ask, IS IT TRUE???? hwachong talented alumni indeed!

subway is closed down. gelare is closed down. they are all going bit by bit. like parts of this giant memory. one day they will be all gone too

one more week to end of course!!!!! then its back to training!!!!

hahaha i was reading this on some random blog
1: You talk with him/her late at night and still think of him/her when you go to bed.

2: You walk really slow when you are with him/her.

3: You don't feel ok when he/she is far away.

4: You smile when you hear his/her voice.

6: You can smile just thinking of his/her smell.

7: You smile every time you look at him/her.

8: There's a person in your mind while you've been reading this.

9: You've been so busy thinking of that person you didn't notice that the no. 5 is missing.

10: You are checking if that's true and you are silently laughing to yourself.

aw so touching... NOT. seriously where do they learn all this shit from lol, although i think 9 and 10 is pretty funny, but seriously people. the world isnt some fairytale lovestory lol.

i was just reading my old posts cause i had nothing to do. then i realized what happened when we grew older, we stopped dreaming, i once said that i would carry all the unaccomplished dreams my teammates left in the pool on my shoulders and bring it onto a international stage, but yet now, im just a shadow of the player i want to be. i always get emotional reading my 2009 blogposts. cause thats when i still had my 2 loves of my life

as usual my blog posts nowadays come out in little spurts of random alphabets put together. but by some freakish luck, they tend to form sentences, hence the spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes haha.

i would just like to say i finally found out the things that make my engine work. i live on sugar and adrenaline, wow with either one of those, i can keep going for a long long time man.

and on a totally random note, i realize comic teaches you so really cheem philosophy too, i was reading some xmen comic and charles xavier said this "fate is the word cowards use to describe things that they are too weak to change". true to a certain extend i guess, isnt it? notice how many times we tell ourselves that things are meant to be this way simply cause its over and done with. i seem to gain these new epiphanies when its fucking fucking late at night, or really really really early in the morning haha. dont ask me why, maybe when your mind is still awake but your body is too tired to continue, you can enter a zen mode where you pluck out abstract ideas from nowhere. ah, heres where there is a fine line between being deeply profound and just spewing gibberish, i have no idea where i stand now HAHA.

i realize im only 20 yet i live in the past, where there were awesome days in schools, where i was playing awesome passionate polo, where i was enjoying the best years of my life and where i knew people i wont forget in this life even if i wanted to. and when i look at the present and the future, it just seems bleak and uncertain.
























its in the past but why cant i just seem to forget