fawefadsf

and its training training back to training!!! although swimming really fucking kills, and my left ankle hurts everytime i swim long dist, its still awesomee.

asdfaewf

freaking hate gym sessions, but i think im gonna love tuesdays from now on HAHA

gadsfas

oh my goddddddd, bloody scam, it was 20 by 2 laps. so we sprinted, then we found out its 40. omfg. my right lung hurts like fuck. at least im hurting now for a good cause no?

gsdfgserg

i hate it when life becomes a routine, and i hate it more when you have no choice but to fucking stick to it, its like being a caged animal.

when your body is caged, your mind is caged and your heart is caged, its as if you arent living your own life anymore.

regsdfg

and i dont want the world to see me, cause i dont think that they'll understand. and when everthing's made to be broken...

wow 19years old, i feel damn damn old but i know im actually still kinda young sigh, its not as if i have been through ordeals after life changing ordeals in my life, i havent experience earthquake, i havent been trapped in a life for days, i havent been bitten by a radioactive spider (yea i really regret that). its just that after 18 years of juvenile fun, irresponsibility, disobedience and countless other wayward habits, i've really come to think its time to grow up or something? its when i have such important choices to make and such feelings to answer to that i really kinda start thinking man. what do i want for my future, how badly i want to work for it, whether i wanna continue with polo, whether im still in love with it for that matter. i realize over so many past thoughtful months that maybe, just MAYBE i dont love it as much as i think i do, sure i love the happy parts where we train and we laugh and are happy about it, yea i really really loved that, i love the part where im held in high regard by my juniors and peers and that i could play and joke in the most carefree manner, yea i really really loved that too. i hate being scolded, i hate being seen as a burden, i hate being the one thats at fault, i hate being average or below. maybe im just suited for the amateur level gaming after all, maybe i fell in love with friendship, success and respect and that it would have been the same whichever sport i joined. maybe i forced this love of the game into my mind so that i could escape whatever problem reality presents (and thats a motherfucking lot btw). i really hope not, i wanna assure myself deep down inside that i love this game, i play because i want to be the best, because i like winning, i dont know yet, but only time can tell. in the mean time, i would love to continue escaping reality first haha.

i need to sleep. i need to train. i need to get my thinking sought out.

awefrasdf

fuck you =) from now on, theres going to be like one name on my "names that my friends can never have" list.


haha fuckkkk, polo standard droppppping

awfsdfwe

omg and saturday was damnnnn fun ahaha. never had so much fun in a long time. polo in the morning, fun but fucking tiring, then talking cock at ms tans m4m then outing with the brossss, omg fucking davin and zhonghan, if not we got fullhouse already lor, including mingchong and cp. AND I MADE CP DRINK OH YEAAAAAAAAAA. then had fun at zouk lol. mega lol. hahaha omg need to have more of these fun nights before my darling chau leaves for england sigh

awefasdf

wow i cant believe i survived 19 years of this. looking back, it has been fun, i learn stuff, i loved stuff, i hated stuff (greenbeans), i gained stuff, i lost stuff, i made one fucking bunch of awesome friends and i had a hell of a 19 years. so maybe its ok to bring on the rest =)

i have like ten thousand birthday wishes, but i dunno which one to pray it comes true sigh

afweasd

snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity

raasdf

argh swimming 25 times 100 after fucking double trainings. ok this is like the first time in my life i dint complete a swimming set on the mark. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. its like i really really wanna swim but my hands wont move and the finishing line just moves further and further away. i really pulled damn hard but its just like strengthless and helpless, well sometimes, life just happens like this.

afewfasd

seriously fuck the island. the impossibly long nights there. and the fucking waste of life. and the fucking lack of training. ARGH GET ME FUCKING OUT OF THERE PLEASE

aewfdsaf

pls pls pls gimme the will to study and xercise on fml island

sgergsf

guess everyones definition of being busy is different eh.
i could really use a wish right now

haha enough of the one liner crap, people might end up mistaking this for davins blog HAHA. wonderful day today, slacked at home, did a little sats. i mean a LITTLE. and then off to chingtos house with nick. did lots of shit there and had great laughs. then met davin to walk so many fucking steps to go timber and had more great laughs. sigh, if i were to be stuck on the fucker army island with these bros from different mums, life would be really fucking fucking awesome. drink play work chat. really, being with you guys is really the greatest shit that ever happens to me, no matter the number (must point out, its minus one today cause zhihong pangseh), its as if every shit in life that fucks you from monday to friday (and in my case on alternate weekends too) dosent really matter at all. maybe without you people, i'll be crying at home at night, drinking till my liver fails (hi chingto), and playing dota all day long (which isnt necessarily a bad thing). hmm perhaps without you guys there wil be some real serious repercussions, like a major failure in english (pronUNciation wise and grammar wise and whatever wise), and maybe i wont even love polo anymore. as it is, i dont know why, but im really feeling the distance between myself and polo. i dont want this man, i know i love polo, but it just seems to be getting further, i lost something that i truly love once, im not letting polo go like this. whats more , its fucking inanimate, it cant run from me, unlike other things that can.

hey buck up you moron, talking about training till u die isnt just talk. walk the talk. im going to fucking get back in shape i swear. and get better.

really fuck this, these memories are just a distraction, but if it overwhelms your ever thought, then maybe, it turns out that everything is a distraction to these memories instead.


















sometimes when i say thats it, i know never mean it.

awefsadfaew

i'll be here just waiting for forever, and a day.












a conversation 5 months too late

hsthse

after a while, we learn that problems dont go away if we shout them out loud to the world or to anyone that actually bothers.


it just seems as if the nights are colder and longer while the stars shine dimmer. At least thats how reality feels like, an endless night.

asfawef

off to fml island

awefasdf

for my birthday wish, all i want is you again.

fawfsdf

i know i've said this before. it aint just a game, its an art. the pool is the canvas, the ball is our brush and the game is our masterpiece. but what happens when the artist paints for the sake of painting and realize its becoming a habit rather than a passion. Will everything he stood for just simply fall apart?

stgserg

hahah went beachvolleyball with the bros and eunice and rachel, technically, eunice is a bro too hmmm. ahaha but it was more of a laughing shit cause we were doing all our usual stupid stuff (although i must say they chingto zhihong davin will argue that its more of MY usual stuff but nevermind them) and we got thrashed by everyone ahaha. sux to be us man. sometimes i imagine myself stuck at home for one week straight and i realize i rather kill myself. ahaha, shit im going to be stuck on temptation island from monday to thursday FUCK. no training there. 3 days fucking straight. oh. my. FUCK. ok im using that word rather unnecessarily hehe.

sometimes there are just moments in my life that i realize without you fucking crazy polo dudes, i'll be hopelessly lost, no one entertains me better, no one patronizes me more, no one cares more (perhaps my parents but erm.. well........), no one really makes me feel home better either. its always nice to be around you dumbasses, for terrorizing kids purposes, gossiping, scandalizing, pranking, POLOING, lan, movies, random walks, random meals (MEALS happen alot with nick), drinking, emo talking after drinking, punching fists and anything else we do. ahaha oh my i think i would be one really introverted kid without all of you.

its moments with you guys that i realize im not alone

















really, i dont want to be alone anymore.

adfawe

we smile because we know that our burdens are ours and ours to carry alone, but even weary shoulders have to rest.